Lowes has all the carpentry supplies you could wish for. With a Lowes Money Off Coupon from We Are Coupons timbers, tools and all the materials you need for your next carpentry project cost less. If that does not make you happy then these carpenter and carpentry jokes will.
Stairs
I told my carpenter I didn't want carpeted steps.
He gave me a blank stair.
A carpenter finds a genie in a lamp
The genie tells the man "I can only grant you one wish. What is it that you would like?"
The carpenter responds: "You know, carpentry is my passion. I would love to be able to talk to my tools. They are my friends, after all".
The genie makes it so.
Later, the carpenter is working on the frame of a house when he sees his hammer next to him. The carpenter says to the hammer, "Well, I can talk to my tools now. What would you like to say?"
The hammer replies, "I'm hammer"
"Yes, I know that" says the carpenter. "Is that it?"
"I'm hammer" says the hammer.
The carpenter is frustrated and turns to his trusty wrench. The carpenter says, "What about you? What can you say?"
"I'm wrench", says the wrench.
Now the carpenter is really frustrated. He asks his saw, ladder, tape measure, and screw driver the same questions, only to receive "I'm saw, I'm ladder, I'm tape measure, I'm screw driver".
The carpenter is starting to lose it and gives up for the day. He drives home, knowing that he may be able to forget his wish and relax in front of the television. He walks through the front door and heads to his computer to check his emails, when he comes across a plank of wood sitting in front of his computer. Across further inspection, the carpenter sees that the plank is typing a very long joke into Reddit.
"What in the world is going on?!", exclaims the carpenter.
"I'm board"
Lightning work
I got a new job as a carpenter.
The boss told me I’m like lightening with a hammer. Thanks, I said, is it because I’m so fast? No, he said, it’s because you never hit the same spot twice.
Accidents Happen
A carpenter accidentally sawed off his left hand
The doctors said he will be all right
Miracles Happen
How'd the blind carpenter regain his sight?
He just picked up a hammer and saw.
Musical
I joined a carpenters class the other day.
We haven't made anything yet though, we've only just begun.
Superman
What do you call a carpenter bee wearing a cape?
A wood-bee hero!
Hunting
An engineer, a carpenter, and a statistian go deer hunting
As they wait in their blind a big buck walks up. The engineer stands up, takes a shot, and misses. "Darn," he says, "two yards to the left."
The carpenter takes a shot and misses. "darn, two yards to the right," he says.
The statistician jumps up and yells "YES! We got him!"
