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Money in Heaven
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his real estate agent to his bedside. “Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, “I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.”
“Well, since we’re confiding in each other,” said the doctor, “I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."
The real estate agent was aghast "I'm ashamed of both of you, I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
What does a British real estate agent care most about?
His proper tea
As a commercial real estate agent, I especially enjoy showing of the shopping centers...
Cause once you've seen one, you've seen a Mall!
Irish Expensive Art
Paddy met Angus in a pub
Over their pints, Angus leaned in and said “does ye know what I did last night, eh?”
Paddy had no idea, and Angus said “I’m a very rich man. I robbed a shop full of expensive pictures!”
Paddy was impressed. He said to Angus “wow, that’s astonishing! When you sell ‘em, give me some money!”
Angus said yes, of course. But Paddy thought for a bit, and he asked Angus “how does ye know they were expensive?”
Angus replied “ah, well, they got price tags don’t they? Cheapest one was €180,000, wasn’t it? Picture of some house! ‘Course they all were.”
Paddy thought for a minute, and then said “Angus, ye didn’t rob the estate agent did ye?”
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but I was outbid at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true:
You can't win a mall.
Help! What to do with a piece of empty Real Estate?
It was my Christmas gift for Mariah Carey, but when I gave it to her she told me,
"I don't want a lot for Christmas"
Property on the Nile
I was offered the chance to buy some real estate in Egypt's Valley of the Kings
but it turned out to be just a pyramid selling scheme