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Funny Friday: Contractors

Funny Friday: Contractors

Lowes has been with you throughout the holiday season and life is now sort of, hopefully, getting back to normal. Things need doing around the house and this is the perfect excuse to download a Lowes Money Off Coupon from We Are Coupons and save some money on making your home awesome in 2022. If this does not make you smile these contractor jokes will…

Early Death

This building contractor dies in a tragic accident on his 40th birthday.


He ends up heaven where he's greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band and Saint Peter.


Saint Peter shakes the guys hand and says congratulations!


The contractor is a little confused and says congratulations for what?


Congratulations for what!? says Saint Peter.


We're celebrating the fact you lived to the grand old age of 160.


The contractor says, But that's not right. I only lived to be 40.


That’s impossible, says Saint Peter. We added up your time sheets!


An American contractor puts out a tender for a bridge to be constructed.

Several engineers apply for the job.


The German engineer comes with mechanics and techniques and proposes a bridge to be built for the sum of 20 million dollars.


The Chinese engineer comes, plagiarizes and copies the Germans stuff and after a lot of cost cutting and cheap materials, proposes the bridge to be built for 10 million dollars.


The Jewish engineer walks in and doesn't even look at the papers, and quotes the bridge to be built for 30 million dollars.


The American contractor looks at him and says "But my friend, the German quoted 20 million dollars, and the Chinaman quoted 10 million. How on earth did you come up with 30 million dollars without even studying the specifications?!"


The Jewish engineer replies "Easy. 10 million for you, 10 million for me, and we give the job to the Chinaman."

Drag Queens

Why did the general contractor insist on hiring a drag queen to install the house’s front door?

Because a drag queen always knows how to make an entrance.

Light Bulbs

How many contractors does it take to replace a light globe?

Two. One to buy the wrong size globe, and another to replace the existing light fitting to suit the new globe.

Green Side Up

A couple called in a contractor to do some updates to their house and landscape. They all walk in to the bedroom and they tell him they were thinking about painting it blue because there's a baby boy on the way. He walks to the window and yells "Green side up!" The couple look at one another a bit confused but don't say anything. They all walk into the living room and they say they'd love to paint it a welcoming beige color. Once again the contractor walks over to the window and yells "Green side up!" Quite confused the couple figure maybe it's secret code. They head into the kitchen and say they would love to see a muted yellow color in there. He heads over to the window and screams "GREEN SIDE UP!" The couple stop the tour of the house and say to the contractor "We've been in three separate rooms, asked for three separate colors and you just go to the window and yell 'Green side up!' What gives? "Oh, sorry about that. I have a couple of blondes laying sod outside in your yard, I have to keep reminding them what side goes up".



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