Lowes has all you need to help you keep your home warm this fall and into the winter. With a Lowes Money Off Coupon from We Are Coupons you can save money on insulating your home this year. This should bring a warm smile to your face. If it does not these insulation and related jokes surely will.
Did you hear about the wall insulation trying his hardest?
You could say he was doing... asbestos he can
A small church out in the country developed a problem when squirrels moved into the attic. They were chewing holes in the insulation and building nests, rotting the soffits and making a lot of noise and generally being a nuisance. The people didn't quite know what to do as no one was really in favor of killing the small creatures. One afternoon while the congregation was having supper on the ground outside the church, a deacon said to the pastor that he had an idea.
"Let's take 'em all down to the river and baptize them. That way we'll only see them twice a year at Christmas and Easter."
Why did people use insulation containing deadly toxins?
It was asbestos they could do at the time!
How do you stay warm in any room?
Go to the corner, it is always 90 degrees
Two Eskimos light a fire in their boat in an attempt to stay warm.
However, the fire burns through the boat and it sinks, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
How do painters stay warm?
They add another coat.
How do aliens stay warm?
Ford’s coming out with heated tailgates.
So your hands stay warm while you're pushing it home.
A North Korean man is walking along the road when he spots a fish caught in the reeds. Excitedly, he scooped it up and ran home.
"Look what I found!" he says, revealing his treasure to his wife, "Quick heat the oil"
"But husband, the police confiscated the oil! They said subversives could use it to make bombs!""
Fine, then stoke the fire, we can still roast it"
"But husband" the wife cries, "The army took our firewood! They said they needed it to stay warm while defending us from the imperialists on the border."
Furious, that his fish is no longer on the menu, the man takes it outside and hurls it back into the ocean.
"Thank you police for defending us from subversives! And thank you Army for defending us from imperialists! And thank you glorious leader Kim Jong-Un for defending me from this fish!"
It's then that he notices a government official walking with a UN inspector. His only hope is that his death is painless and his family is spared.
The official stands there for a second, before turning the the UN inspector, "See, beloved military, beloved police, and food so plentiful our people throw it away!"