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Funny Friday: Clock and Time Jokes

Funny Friday:  Clock and Time Jokes

Lowes loves to take care of you and your home and you can save money at Lowes this spring with a We Are Coupons Lowes Coupon.  If this does not make you smile and with time and clocks featuring in this week’s blog these time related jokes will..

Once Upon a Time

Daddy, do all fairy tales start with Once upon a time?

No dear, there’s a whole series of fairly tales that start with “If elected, I promise”.


Eating Time

Yesterday I ate a clock

It was very time consuming...

Especially when I went back for seconds

Talking clock

A man is showing his apartment to his friend.

The friend sees a large copper pan on the wall.

And what is this?

Its a talking clock!

Really how does it work?

The man hits the pan with all his might.

A voice is heard from behind the wall:




My carpenter friend brought me a single plank of wood by 5 o'clock today. I was livid!

"Whats wrong?" he asked.

"You told me you'd bring me 2 by 4!"

Clocks in Heaven

A man dies and goes to heaven. As he arrives there an angel is waiting for him to give him a tour. They enter through the golden gates and go inside a big bright building. There were a big number of clocks running at different speeds and the man was puzzled. He asked the angel what they were.

The angel said: "Here are the clocks of every country, they measure corruption. The more corrupt the country is the faster it's clock goes!"

Amazed, the man wanders around the room but he notices something and asks the angel: "Where is the US clock?"

And the angel says: "Oh, God is using it as a cooling fan!"

Old Timer

What did digital clock say to Grandfather clock?

"Look Grandpa, no hands!"

Weather Time

It's two o'clock in the morning..

and a husband and wife are asleep, when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and says, "Hello... How the hell do i know? What am I, the weather man?" and promptly slams the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks, "who was that?"

The husband replies, "I don't know, some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

Perfect Time

Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time?

To see 20:20



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