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Every garden, or most anyway, has trees. This week to make you smile the jokes are all about or at least feature trees.
Talking Tree
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Family Tree
Why don’t people from Alabama have family trees?
Because it’s just one long branch.
Trees are like dogs
Some shed and some don't. Others just bark
It all Adds Up
What kind of tree has branches with angles that all add up to 180 degrees?
A Trigonome-Tree.
Elephants
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees
Because they are so good at it
Banana Trees
What do you get hanging from banana trees?
Sore arms.
George Washington admits he chopped down the cherry tree.
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Johnny, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Little Johnny: Because George still had the axe in his hand
Beavers
How can you tell that only male beavers cut down trees?
Because they're all fellers.
Karma
When they fell in love, they carved their initials into a tree.
When they got married, they added a year. And for each kid, initials and a year. Then finally one day, while camping under the tree, it fell and killed them all. Which goes to show that karma's a birch.
Koalas
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
Because it got hit by the first koala.
Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
Because he thought it was a game and joined in!
Drones
Getting my drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Killing Trees
How was the tree executed?
Leafal injection
Gorillas
A man finds a full grown gorilla in a tree.
Man comes home from work to find a big ole gorilla in a tree in his front yard. Thinking he's gonna need some help with this, he looks up gorilla removal services in the yellow pages. He finds Dave and Rosco's full time gorilla removal and calls them up.
Dave says he and Rosco will rush right over. They arrive in a pickup truck with a large cage in the bed.
Dave introduces himself and his dog, Rosco, to the home owner while setting a pair of hand cuffs and a shotgun on the open tailgate.
He says, "I'm gonna need a little help from ya, sir. I'm gonna climb up in the tree with the gorilla and attempt to shake him down. When he falls, Rosco is gonna bite and hold down on the gorilla's most private of parts. When that happens, he's gonna reach down to try to get Rosco off of him. Now that's when you slam the cuffs on him and I'll take him from their."
The man says, "OK, but what's the shotgun for?"
Dave says, "In the unlikely event that the gorilla shakes me out the tree, you shoot Rosco."
