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Construction Jokes

Construction Jokes

It is Friday and we all need a smile. Here are some of the best home improvement Jokes. But first…

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Accidents happen

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room

Lunch with a Plumber

A plumber was working in a house when the lady of the house said to him, “Would it be okay for me to take a bath while you’re eating lunch?” The plumber stopped working, sat on the toilet and replied, “It’s okay with me lady, as long as you don’t splash my sandwiches.”

Nail it home

These two blonde carpenters are working on a house. The one who's nailing down the timber keeps reaching into his nail pouch for nails and every time he pulls one out he either throws it over his shoulder or nails it in.

The other worker is intrigued by this and eventually asks him, "Why do you keep throwing those nails away?"

The first worker replies, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, then I throw it away because it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"

The second blonde is amazed at the other guy's stupidity and yells at him, "You idiot! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"


Christmas Construction

Q: Why is Christmas day just like a day at a construction site?

A: You end up doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit takes all the credit


The real amount of time you spend on construction

This contractor guy dies in a tragic accident on his 40th birthday. He ascends to heaven where he's greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band and Saint Peter.

Saint Peter shakes the guys hand warmly, and says "Congratulations!"

The contractor is a little confused. "Congratulations for what?" he asks.

"Congratulations for what!?" says Saint Peter. "We're celebrating the fact you lived to the grand old age of 160.”

The contractor says, "But that's not right - I only lived to be 40."

"That’s impossible," says Saint Peter. "We added up your time sheets!"

These jokes may make you smile but for the biggest smile download and print one of our Lowes Money Off Coupons and save money instore at Lowes on anything you need for DIY or Construction work.

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