Renovating you home is fun and using a Lowes Printable Coupon from We Are Coupons makes it really affordable. If that doesn’t make you smile these jokes may
Handy Man
A lady advertises in the local paper looking for a handyman. A gentleman comes knocking at the door saying that he's responding to her ad. "I have some overhead kitchen cabinets that need fixing" she says, but the handyman replies, "Sorry I can't do that on account of my shoulder". So she asks, "Can you fix the tiles on the bathroom floor?" to which the handyman replies "Sorry I can't do that on account of my dicky knee". Slightly frustrated the lady asks, "Well can you at least mow the lawn?" to which the handyman replies, "Sorry I can't do that on account of my bad back". At this point the lady is getting quite irate and says "You do know that I advertised for a handyman?". The man replies, "Yes, I'm a handyman". "But you don't seem to be able to do anything, why do you think you're a handyman?" to which he replies, "I live just around the corner!"
Age makes a difference
If you need expert advice in a home improvement store, find a man between 50 and 60 years old. he has been there and done that.
don't ask the 70 year old man, he's been there, done that, and already forgotten what you asked him
Windows
I was at my local home improvement store yesterday, and I was looking in the window section. An employee came over and asked if I needed any help, I responded "No thanks, I'm just window shopping."
Vacation Homes
A man goes to the bank and asks for a home-improvement loan.
The loan officer asks him what home improvements he plans to do.
The man responds, "well, I'd like to send my wife on a 6-month vacation."
The loan officer replies, "sir, a vacation for your wife isn't a home improvement."
The man says, "well, have you seen my wife?"
Upstairs DownStairs
I was doing some home renovations and I was knocking down a wall, only to find a secret unfurnished room behind it... ...then I remembered we live in a duplex.
Stairs
When building stairs…You have to take one step at a time
Builders and Construction workers
What are the only two seasons in the Midwest?
Winter and Construction.
Why did the construction worker dip his finger in blue ink?
To get a blue print. Do you want to hear a construction joke?
Oh sorry I'm still working on it. How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
Selecting contractors
Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, “Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?” So, off they went to check it out.
First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, “Well, I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, “Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, “$2,700.”
The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, “You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
“Easy,” he said. “$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Texas.”
