Christmas is here and Lowes has plenty in store for all those last minute gift ideas. With a Lowes Downloadable Coupon from We Are Coupons you can save money on those special Christmas gifts and really make someone smile. Among the gifts you can choose from at Lowes is a good selection of books on all kinds of subjects. With this in mind we thought that we should make out Funny Friday jokes all about books this week.
Paranoia
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.
She whispers, "They're right behind you!"
Snacks while Reading
So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.
I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me, "Sonny, would you like some nuts? I've got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you'd like."
"Sure.", I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.
"What a nice lady", I thought, while happily munching on the nuts.
A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts. I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.
After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.
I asked her, "Why don't you eat them yourself?"
"Because we've got no teeth", she replied.
"Then why do you buy them?", I asked.
"Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them."
Your own story
I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I'm writing.
It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little.
Shakespeare
A man walked into a bookshop and said: I'd like to buy a book by Shakespeare
'Of course' replied the sales assistant 'Any particular one?'
'William, of course' replies the man.
The Book We Are
I tell all my dates I'm an open book.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition.
Dogs
I was reading a great book about an imortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
Wind
I’m writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes..
It’s only a draft at the moment.
The Unknown
I'm writing a book about words I don't know
I haven't come up with a title yet.
Typos sell
A self-help book sold 3000 copies on the day of its release because of a typo error.
The title read 'How to change your wife'.
Phone Books
I asked my wife to go get me a phone book.
She laughed at me, and said "You're so old. Just use my phone."
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
A Classic
My favorite book is The Hunchback of Notre-Dame...
I just love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
Language Books
A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.
“What are you reading, old man?” he asks.
“I’m learning Hebrew, comrade,” replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, “What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.”
“I’m learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham,” replies the old man.
“How do you know you’re going to heaven? What if you go to hell?” asks the KGB agent.
“I already speak Russian."
